I feel as though all of my blog posts typically go “We had a show here. I did this painting. It was/wasn’t great.” But I sort of wanted to talk a little more about how we’e actually doing. Eric & I have been on the road for exactly 29 days now, and we have… 29 days left before we get back to Connecticut. (I actually didn’t realize we were at exactly the halfway mark today until just now when I counted everything up.) It’s been fun, but it’s also been rough. I’ve been hesitant to whine about bad shows and tough traveling because really, we are super blessed.
On the other hand, sometimes things can really get us down.
I’m tired of getting fitful nights of sleep in our car.
I’m tired of shelling out hard-earned money for ridiculous gas prices.
I’m tired of going into shows hopeful for a good turnout and only getting 6 or 7 people.
I’m tired of bookers and venue owners and bartenders telling us that last week/last night/last spring the place was packed and they have no idea why no one’s here tonight.
I’m tired of crappy food eaten in the car.
I’m tired of not being able to afford stuff.
I’m tired of feeling dirty and itchy and gross.
I’m tired of this cold rain that seems to be following us wherever we go.
I’m tired of being unmotivated.
I’m tired of questioning God.
I’m tired of my huge college loans always looming over my head.
I’m tired of counting up our income after every show and wondering if we can actually survive off of it.
I’m tired of canceled shows and rejections from bookers.
I’m tired of trying not to worry.
I’m tired of trying to be positive.
On the other hand, I know it’s not that bad; we’re doing a lot better then so many stories I’ve heard. Even just today I listened to a guy describe years of awful shows and terrible times and bankruptcy for 12 years before anyone seemed to know who he was and started coming out to see him. Hopeful? …Depressing? I don’t want to give up… But its been a tough couple of days. I just feel… stagnant. Which again, is ironic since we’re traveling all over the country, constantly moving, and creating brand new art almost every night and meeting tons of new people.
It would take a lot for us to quit. But I needed to whine a little bit. Thanks for letting me.