It’s been a few days. I’ve been busy. I’ve been busy being actually busy, and I’ve been busy being unmotivated. I think I figured being in Schefferville would be more fun. I had all these plans to read some books, do art for fun, enjoy the wild nature around here. But it’s honestly been tough getting my motivation going.
I blame it partly on the mine. Schefferville was originally built as a mining town that shut down in the 80s because it was too expensive to transport the iron ore to where it could be processed. Well, I guess the price of iron ore went up in the past couple years, and now there are a couple mines in full swing. I don’t like it. I know we use things that have been mined all the time. I’m sure there are bits in this laptop I’m using that had to be mined out of the ground. But still, I don’t like it. Schefferville is now completely different from the town I grew up in. Even just last night, Eric & I took a walk up out of town to a bridge that goes over the train tracks. While in the past we might’ve seen one truck (if any at all), last night a dozen or more passed us in the dark, garish orange turret lights flashing around us with each pass. It doesn’t seem “wild” anymore. A lot of my old favorite hiking places are now completely dug up, and it’s hard to find a place where you won’t hear the distant beeping of some large vehicle backing up. It’s just a bit of a depression to realize there’s a real part of my childhood I can’t return to.
Anyways though, we’ve been here for just over 2 weeks now and I have started to find some motivation and inspiration. I’ve been doing a few small watercolours of things that remind me of this place, just here and there. And I’ve finally ventured into my mom’s really awesome and fully equipped ceramic studio in the basement. I hadn’t touched clay in the three years since I’ve been out of college, and it took a good amount of failed pieces before I could get the hang of things completely again. But in all honesty, it didn’t take long. I’ve already made a whole mess of bowls and I’ll be pulling some mug handles as soon as I finish this post.
I’ve also been battling this need for validation in my work. Since working at building up my on-line reputation and portfolio in my art and in Pocket Vinyl, I’ve discovered that digging and painful need to get validating comments, Facebook likes, and page views. And I long to and wonder if I can get back to a place where I really do create art just for the sake of it and for my own pleasure in it. I’ll be honest, I feel ashamed even admitting this on here, but I guess that would be the first step. I hate the drastic rise and fall of my mood and feeling of self-worth based on how many strangers did or didn’t subscribe to this blog or like a painting or… whatever else. Anyways. That’s a big thing. And I’m working on it.
I need to go pull those mug handles now.